Why We Are such a Mystery to Ourselves? The Hidden Power of Implicit Memory

Key Insights 

 

- Explicit memory = what you can consciously recall and describe about your life 

- Implicit memory = the way you've been emotionally shaped by your experiences in a way that you're not aware of 

- Survival strategies persist = childhood adaptations to painful feelings persist and limit adult life 

- Body-based healing = implicit patterns of thought and feelings need bodily awareness work, not just psychological insight 

 

The Stories We Can and Can't Tell 

In his book ‘The Examined Life’ psychoanalyst Stephen Grosz writes: 

 

"I believe that all of us try to make sense of our lives by telling our stories, but Peter was possessed by a story that he couldn't tell." 

 

That poetic idea captures something deeply human: we all carry stories that live in us, organize our lives, but escape our awareness. It's what leads us to ask 'Why on earth did I do that?' and very often 'Why on earth did I do that again?' 

But how and why does it happen in the first place? How can we be so oblivious to what happens inside us? 

In part, it's due to the different kinds of memory we have

 

 Two Kinds of Memory 

Explicit memory is what we normally think of as memory, it’s the events of our lives that we can consciously recall and describe 

Implicit memory contains the ways in which we've been affected by our experiences but aren't conscious of. It's stored in our body and nervous system as automatic patterns of emotion and behavior 

Psychology professor Louis Cozolino explains that "these primitive systems, which are nonverbal and inaccessible to conscious reflection, are referred to as implicit memory, the unconscious, or somatic memory. These are the memories that we do not consciously remember, but never forget. These fast systems are likely all that our ancestors had until the recent emergence of conscious awareness." 

In addition, Peter Levine explains in ‘Trauma and Memory’ that "persistent maladaptive procedural and emotional memories form the core mechanism that underlies all traumas, as well as many problematic social and relationship issues." 

 

Imagine a hypothetical scenario—a childhood birthday. You might remember the cake, the presents, who was there. You also remember your Dad wasn't. That's explicit memory, the facts you can recall. 

But what stayed with you wasn't just the absence on that day. Later you learned he'd gone for good. What lived on was the ache in your chest, the terrible sense of being left behind for good by someone so important. That's implicit memory not the story of what happened, but the bodily imprint of how it felt. 

Implicit memory doesn't store the event itself. It stores how the event affected you and it can be reawakened in the future when a situation contains a similar emotional resonance. 

 

How the Birthday Echoes 

As an adult, let's say you're dating someone and the time comes when you're going to commit to each other. Consciously you really want to, but when it comes to saying it you find yourself paralyzed and you can't make the words come out. 

What's happening isn't irrational although it may seem it. It's the nervous system replaying an old template: people you love disappear, don’t make yourself that vulnerable. That template may not be conscious, but it quietly shapes your relationships and in this context it could prevent you from ever getting close and vulnerable with anyone. 

However, as Peter Levine notes in ‘Healing Trauma’, "you don't have to consciously remember an event to heal from it. Visiting one's trauma is quite different from reliving it. Because trauma happens primarily on an instinctive level, the memories we have of overwhelming events are stored as fragmentary experiences in our bodies, not in the rational parts of our brains." 

That means working with the trauma does not require rehashing it over and over, healing is a different kind of process.

 

Common Signs of Implicit Memory Activation 

- Physical reactions that seem disproportionate to the situation 

- Sudden emotional intensity without clear current cause 

- Behavioral patterns you repeat despite not wanting to 

- Strong bodily sensations about people or situations that you can't explain 

- Automatic responses like withdrawing, people-pleasing, or becoming defensive 

 

 Why Implicit Memories Form 

As children, we adapt to survive and our nervous systems learn patterns that help us manage unpredictable worlds. Missing your Dad at a birthday, and then realizing he was gone for good could lead you to conclude it's not safe to love, so don't be vulnerable. 

These adaptations are protective at the time to ward off pain, but the difficulty is they tend to persist way beyond their usefulness. What once protected you as a child can now restrict your openness as an adult. 

 

How Implicit Patterns Show Up in My Practice 

 

When I work with clients, implicit memories often reveal themselves through: 

Relationship dynamics: How someone relates to me mirrors their unconscious templates about authority, trust, or closeness 

Body language and tension: Physical patterns that emerge during difficult conversations—shoulder tension when discussing family, shallow breathing when exploring emotions 

 Emotional reactions in session: Sudden shame, anger, or fear that seems connected to childhood patterns rather than present circumstances 

 Avoidance patterns: What topics or feelings someone consistently steer away from, often without realizing it 

 

Can We Change These Patterns? 

 Yes. But because implicit memory lives in the body, change doesn't come through thinking alone. It comes through the integration of therapeutic conversation and attention to the body: 

Awareness: Noticing when old patterns stir, recognizing the difference between past and present responses. 

Staying present: Allowing those feelings rather than pushing them away—the hardest part, since implicit memories often developed to help us avoid certain feelings. 

Safe relationship: Learning that you can experience difficult feelings and survive and be okay, and that you can grow your ability to do this further. 

Integration: Bringing implicit memory into awareness gives us more choice in how we respond to present circumstances. 

Levine emphasizes that "successful healing methods inevitably involve establishing a connection to the body. Those methods that do not enable people to reconnect with their bodies invariably have limited success." 

 

How I Work With Implicit Memory 

In my practice, I use approaches that help these unconscious stories surface safely: 

Somatic awareness: Paying attention to bodily sensations and tensions as they arise during sessions—these often carry implicit memories 

Therapeutic relationship: Using how someone relates to me as information about their unconscious relationship patterns 

Mindfulness: Learning to stay with feelings and sensations rather than immediately trying to understand or change them 

Acupuncture integration: Supporting nervous system regulation through by promoting relaxation 

Present-moment attention: Helping people notice what's happening in their body right now, not just what they think about their experience 

 

A Shift in Perspective 

When we understand implicit memory, we can move from self-blame to curiosity. Instead of "What's wrong with me?" we can ask: 

- What am I carrying from long ago? 

- How is my body remembering for me? 

- What did I learn without realizing it? 

 

Change is slow because we're updating patterns stored deep in the nervous system that may have been adaptive for years. But with patience, compassion, and new experiences, these untold stories can begin to find their voice and become more amenable to change. 

The invitation is to become curious about your own patterns. What situations consistently trigger strong responses? Are there relationship dynamics you repeat despite your intentions? What does your body tell you that your mind might be missing? 

These aren't problems to solve quickly, but patterns to understand with compassion. Understanding the difference between what happened to us and what we learned from what happened can be the beginning of profound change. 

 

References and Suggested Reading 

Cozolino, L. (2014). Why Therapy Works: Using Our Minds to Change Our Brains*. W. W. Norton & Company. 

Levine, P. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma. North Atlantic Books. 

Levine, P. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness*. North Atlantic Books. 

Levine, P. (2015). *Trauma and Memory: Brain and Body in a Search for the Living Past*. North Atlantic Books. 

van der Kolk, B. (2014). *The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma*. Penguin Books. 

Grosz, S. (2013). The Examined Life: How We Lose and Find Ourselves*. W. W. Norton & Company. 

 

Frequently Asked Questions 

 

What's the difference between explicit and implicit memory? 

Explicit memory is what you can consciously recall and describe, like events from your childhood. Implicit memory is stored in your body as automatic patterns of emotion and behavior—the felt imprint of how those events affected you. 

 

Do implicit memories always come from trauma? 

No. They develop from repeated relational experiences, not just dramatic events. Subtle patterns like being overlooked, learning not to trust, or discovering that emotions weren't welcome can create lasting implicit memories. 

 

Why do I keep repeating patterns I don't want? 

Because your nervous system is working from an old template stored as implicit memory. You may consciously want closeness, but if your body "remembers" closeness as dangerous or disappointing, you'll automatically create distance. 

 

Can these patterns really change? 

Yes. The nervous system retains the capacity for change throughout life, but transformation happens through new experiences and somatic awareness, not just understanding. Safe relationships and body-based therapies can gradually update old templates. 

 

How can I tell if an implicit memory is being triggered? 

Look for responses that feel automatic and disproportionate to the current situation—sudden intense emotions, physical reactions like stomach tightening, or behavioral patterns that don't match your conscious intentions. 

 

Why does therapy focus on the body and not just talking? 

Because implicit memories are stored in bodily responses and nervous system patterns. While talking helps name the story, paying attention to sensations and feelings allows the untold story to surface and integrate. 

 

 

Curious to explore your own implicit patterns in a safe, supportive environment? 

I offer therapy in Berkhamsted that integrates psychological insight with body-based awareness to help you understand and transform unconscious patterns that may be limiting your life. 

Phone: 07717 515 013   

Email: sean@seanheneghan.com   

Located at: Berkhamsted Chiropractic Clinic, 69 High Street, Berkhamsted 

 

About Sean Heneghan - Therapist in Berkhamsted 

 Sean Heneghan is a BACP registered counsellor and a member of The British Acupuncture Council serving Berkhamsted for over 20 years. He offers an integrative approach combining depth-oriented therapy with acupuncture to support emotional regulation and self-understanding. 

 

Services include: 

- Gestalt counselling and therapy 

- Traditional acupuncture 

- Support for unconscious patterns, relationship issues, and emotional regulation 

 

Serving Berkhamsted, Tring, Hemel Hempstead, St Albans, and the wider Hertfordshire area.