Why am I depressed? Exploring the hidden roots of low mood

 

When people think of depression, they often think of the symptoms: lethargy, fatigue, loss of interest in life, and a loss of sparkle. But these symptoms are an expression of depression rather than the essence of it. They are signals like the colour of the leaves that indicate the health of a tree.

Depression is not merely a list of clinical criteria or a chemical imbalance to be patched over; it’s a profound reflection of the state of a self, and a self is an intricate and complex experience. Depression is the psyche’s way of telling us that something vital is withering.

Loss often sits quietly at the heart of depression. We often think of loss in terms of people: grief for loved ones or partners. But we lose much more than people. We lose time, we lose identities, we lose possibilities. We lose visions of the future and the kind of youthful innocence that animates us with hope. These cumulative losses can slowly erode the spirit so that one’s general emotional state becomes flattened and joyless over time.

At its core, depression often emerges when we have lost what we deeply value, and when we believe what we value can no longer be obtained. Depression is not only about mourning the past; it's equally about the erosion of hope for the future — the sense that what we once envisioned or desired is no longer possible. It’s a collapse of both remembering fondly and imagining a vital future, leaving the present feeling hollow and unlivable.

So often, though, these experiences are hidden and unarticulated. It’s a common feature of depression to be unable to find what we’re so deeply sad about, which is where counselling comes in — by making the unconscious conscious. By bringing these experiences into awareness, naming them, and feeling them without turning away, we can begin to water the roots of the tree.

 

Making contact with what’s been lost

The first step is often beginning to discover what has been lost. This might seem deceptively simple, but most of us are remarkably skilled at avoiding grief. We keep moving, working, performing, anything to avoid feeling regret and disappointment. Yet when these unnamed losses remain underground, they continue to shape us silently, pulling us down in ways we don’t understand.

If something about loss in the context of depression speaks to you, you might ask yourself:

What is it that I cherished that is now gone?

What do I need that I now feel I can’t obtain?

These questions can encourage deeper contact with your hidden experience. Depression often numbs us to avoid this pain but it also numbs us to joy, vitality, and connection. Turning toward the losses can feel like inviting a storm, but paradoxically, storms can clear the air for new growth.

 

Making space for the body

Much of this work is not purely intellectual. Depression is felt in the body: a weight in the chest, a tightness in the gut, a sluggishness in the limbs. Bringing gentle awareness to these sensations, rather than immediately trying to change them can open a new kind of relationship to what is happening, one that truly makes a difference. Instead of treating these sensations as obstacles to fix, we can learn to relate to them as messengers signals of needs and unprocessed experiences that are in need of processing.

This is not about forcing yourself to "cheer up" or "move more" as a motivational slogan. It is about listening to what your body is telling you about your needs, your history, and your defenses.

 

Why we cannot do this alone

While self-reflection and somatic awareness are powerful, there is a limit to what we can hold on our own. Depression often thrives in isolation; it pulls us away from others precisely when we most need contact.

When depression is met in relationship, it can begin to loosen its grip. In the presence of another, new possibilities can begin to emerge particularly when that person does not recoil from your pain nor try to push you into premature solutions. Depression when met in this way, can reveal grief, longing, and even buried desires waiting to come alive.

 

A slow return to life

There is no quick route out of depression, no universal map. But there is a path and it begins by honoring the full truth of your losses and the meanings they carry. By tending to the roots rather than simply painting the leaves green, you can cultivate the conditions for a new kind of growth.

 

Counselling in Berkhamsted

If you're struggling with depression and you're looking for counselling in berkhamsted I offer a space where we can do that together.

 You can reach me on 07717 515 013 or by email: sean@seanheneghan.com.